Children Learn what they SEE!!!!!

One of the things that keeps coming to my mind is " My children will learn from what they SEE!! NOT what they Hear me saying!!!!!"

So what are my children Learning from me? Well nothing really good some days. I have been watching my kids and the things that frustrate me the most are the bad traits of me that I have taught them. So what do I do with that. Well, I get mad, yell, discipline but then am I doing the same to myself or excepting the picture God is showing me of how I am. Well It is time to change ME!!!!! Not the Kids ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since I have gotten back from a Hearts at Home conference "I" have really been trying to watch my mouth, my words and reactions. "I" Have been doing great at that. (get the I part) There are times when I would lean on God but not very much. The last couple of days have been hard and all I need to say is 3 letters PMS. I now realize that in order to make this a life changing thing I need to let God lead and take control of me. I NEED TO LET GO!!!!!!!!! Let me say that again so I can get it through my think Head "I NEED TO LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!" Okay God CHANGE ME!!!!!!!!

Now I need to get in God's Word. Let him discipline me and take it and change. That is not going to be easy. I will be like my children when I have to do it to them. But I have to be humble and TAKE IT!!!!!!!! SWATS AND ALL :) I know it is going to hurt but in the end it will be worth it. I know that some days will be hard and I will have to remember to lean on God even harder those days. For I know He doesn't give me anything I can not handle. I need to really remember that.

I also need to remember that in all this change God will be changing my children as well. And to think God is going to allow be to be part of that. Watching my children Grow is a true blessing. Oh How I am blessed!!!!!!!! I really Love my kids and I don't want them to grow up and say mom why did you act like that and have to struggle with the same things that I do because I chose not to change me. So now it is time with God to CHANGE ME so that my children will Learn good things and not bad!

Those of you who do read this please pray for me and that I will constantly lean on God and Listen to His guidance.

God's Strength

How amazing is God's Strength. You know I use to think I was a pretty strong person. I could deal with a lot. Well the older I get I realize I have next to no strength. I love to think I can do it all by my self and I don't need help from anyone or anything. Well as my mother says I have been like that since I was little. My first sentence was "I do myself". Who would imagine as a little toddler that I would already be showing who I was in side.

I still struggle allowing God to be my Strength and lean upon him everyday to get me through. You know if I were to do that everyday life would seem a lot easier because God was guiding it, But in my "I do myself" attitude I don't.

On of my biggest struggle right now is ANGER! It seems to rule me some days. Because of this I will yell at the kids all day. I hardly feel as though I say Kind things to my kids. It is always "what are you thinking" "How old are you" "THINK!!!!!!" "Do you realize what you just did" "Why in the world did you just do that" etc. etc. etc. I know I can not change this with out God's help.

I have started to do a Bible study with a couple of my friends it is called "She Gonna Blow!" by Julie Ann Barnhill. It is really opening my eyes to what I am really doing to my children. I AM ABUSING THEM!!!!!! Mentally, Spiritually, and I have Physically. I am an Abuser. Yes, I really did just say that. The last month I have really been working on this. GOD IS AWESOME. With his strength I have really changed the way I talk to the kids. Now I am not saying I don't blow like a Volcano sometimes but I can actually talk to my children with out yelling, Correct my kids with out yelling. I don't hold grudges against them, I LIKE THEM!!!!!!! Now I don't know if I could have said that A month ago and truly mean it. I am sure If I was asked "Do you Like your children?" I would have said "Of course" but I am sure I would have said that because I didn't want to look bad, or have someone think "she is a bad mom".

One of the things I learned at a conference I went to last weekend (Hearts at Home) Nichole Johnson did this skit on how your words affect your children. My word are burning my children like a forest fire. I am setting my children on fire with my words!!!! Like Proverbs 18:21 Says "Your tongue has the power of life and death" So I ask myself "am I giving my children life or death with my words?" I would have to say for the most part I was giving them Death!!!!!! But God is awesome and he says in Proverbs 12:18 he says "The tongue of the wise brings healing" So if I lean on Gods STRENGTH I can have wise words and Heal the burns I have caused them. WOW!!!!!!!! I don't have to live this way forever. My children will not be scared there whole life by the words I have said to them. THANKS GOD!!!!!!!!

So now I am started to Lean on GOD STRENGTH and I am getting ride of the words "I do myself" and I am trying to say " I CAN DO IT WITH GOD'S STRENGTH" I am trying to allow God to speak through me and not me, because my words mean nothing with out him leading them. My words are fire but his words are Healing. I need his words and his strength to live this life!!!!!!

I pray that who ever does read this will think about the way they talk there children, "Are your words giving your children Death or Life??????????????"

Samuel, What Have I turned you into????????

I have been stressing about this question for a month or so. Here is my sweet little boy who was always really good, Cuddly, Nice and then BANG. He changed. I am sure it wasn't over night but I just didn't see it. Now he yells at every one, gets angry at the drop of a hat and he lets you know it. I wonder who he acts like, HELLO ME!!!!!!!!! That just breaks my heart.

Yesterday, I was putting him down for his nap (which most of the time is a challenge) and I had him in my arms and I went to kiss him and he was trying to be funny and act like he was going to bit me, so I grab his face and kissed his cheek. WELL, he didn't like that so he grabbed the back of my head and pulled my hair, not just any hair the little tiny hairs on the back of my neck, well that set me off. First I screamed and put him down, spanked him and put him to bed. Then I left the room and lost it. I started crying so hard. WHAT HAVE I TURNED HIM IN TO!!!!!! He is mean to me and everyone else he sees. If he doesn't get what he wants watch out. Man that sounds so much like me. OUCH!!!!! That really hurts.

So now I am looking at him and I am wondering what I need to do to fix this. I know I have not lost him yet he is only 3 almost 4 So here I am planing a game plan. My plan is to not let him get away with anything. Which I have let him get a way with a lot before. I always told David to leave him alone or to give him what ever he wanted thinking that David was the problem (POOR DAVID, I know) Which that was so not fair to him so now I am changing my thinking. I know that this is going to be hard for me but I know that "Through Christ anything is possible" So I will lean on him and whip Samuel back in to the sweet little boy I know he is.

Here I am

It has been a long time since I haved blogged. I decided to start a new one. So here I am. It has been a year since I have written on here. My life as a mother has so many ups and downs it isn't funny. I have 3 kids that run my crazy some days. On here all I am going to do is share my life. I will always be honest about life in my home. Just a warning it may not always be pretty.

I have been dealing with issues in my life for many years. One of those are Anger. It is very deadly. I take it out on my children more then anyone else. I love them greatly and yet I know I have scared them. I want to be a great wife and mother and I know the only way to do that is with Christ by my side. So that Is what I am striving for. In the days to come I will share my life.

I went to a Hearts at Homes conference this last weekend. I felt Satan attacking me like crazy. It was hard getting through that weekend. I was with 2 of my bestest friends and I felt very distant from them and really just had a hard time just being me and opening my heart. Satin was really attacking me. When we got home I was so mad. I just felt like no one was there to be with me or understand my heart. I went to bed feeling pretty crappy. I was letting satin in. The next morning I got up and got ready for church (in which I really didn't want to go but had to) Things happened first off in the morning that I reacted to badly ( I bet satin was smiling at this point) I felt really bad. Then went to service and started to hand things over to God. I spent the day at my parents. Went home and went to bed!

Monday came and I started to try to be the kind of mom my heart desires. I kept my cool for the most part and was constant and kept on the kids pretty good. By the end of the day I felt like I was getting ready to lose it again. We went food shopping(which is never good with 3 kids) Jon met me half way through which made the rest of it go good. At dinner and put the kids to bed.

Tue. Came and I broke. What have I turned Samuel in to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More to come later!!!!!!!!!

GOD PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!!!